so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize