NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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