he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
