weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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