Dual....:-)
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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