If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
