Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
