Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
