The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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