I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
