Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
