I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize