Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
