They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
