The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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