Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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