My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
