he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's never too late to be topless.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
