Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
