who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
