what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
