4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
