We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
