I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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