Betty ford says i'm here all night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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