god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize