I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
