I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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