just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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