is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
