like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
