Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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