i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
