Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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