You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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