i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
