Where did you get a picture of my penis
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So vagazzling was a success
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
