Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
