the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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