I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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