I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
