He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
