How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
