He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
