the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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