fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
