is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
