her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
