i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
