like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
