lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
