HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
