I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize