i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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