I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
