Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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