I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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