My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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