This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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