woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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