One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
