Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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