WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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