my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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