drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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