the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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