Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
