Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She has the best kind of daddy issues
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
