i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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