They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
