Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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