I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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