They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
